I hate saying goodbye. I did it a lot this morning on the drive to school. Goodbye bridge, goodbye river, goodbye beautiful cottage with the wisteria, goodbye picket fence, good bye horses.

It’s a crisp blue skied Tuesday morning; I’m sitting in Costa as I write this…goodbye Costa.

You’re now thinking this is either a suicide note or Rebecca’s leaving the area? Nope! Today is the end of a chapter. It all began in October when my 10yr old temporarily left his middle school to go to a special primary school that would help Lewis to manage his behaviours and autism. Originally he was going to be there until February half term, then it was decided that he would be there until Easter.

I guess I need my routines as much as Lewis does, our lives are so lacking in routine with me in a permanent state of high alert that I guess these little visuals; the picket fence, the darling cottage…they all brought comfort to me each day knowing that Lewis was being driven to a place that tried to ‘get him’ and were trying everything in their arsenal of experience to unlock Lewis in some way.

The school have done an excellent job in terms of respite for me over the past 5 months. I rarely got phone calls to go into the school and assist staff or collect him early. Is he ready to go back to mainstream school? No, I don’t think so, but funding can only stretch so far can’t it?

So as I type this with my soya latte next to me, waiting or my friend to join me after her aqua class, my mind is racing with thoughts of the possible battles ahead of us. Following meetings with the middle school and countless phone calls yesterday, I’m left feeling flat as a pancake this morning, it shows; the staff in Costa have got to know my routine and they looked concerned for me today, I look awful…today of all days, you see,  I’m filming a new vlog for a #FreeFromEaster recipe that will go live on Friday 7th April…If you’re interested (when it’s Live) I’ll link to it here and you can judge for yourself, do I look shattered or am I doing a pretty fine job of acting as if everything’s fine with the world… if it’s the latter (and I hope it is, because the vlog would look pretty awful otherwise) then this is proof that you really don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors or in a person’s mind and what they deal with on a day-to-day basis…we just-keep-swimming I guess.

Lewis’ case seems to have all the professionals scratching their heads. Is he really so unique a child? Have they honestly not come across another ‘Lewis’ before? He’s diagnosed with high functioning autism, which in itself is a barrier; you’d think the high functioning bit was the bonus deal. In reality it’s the thorn in our side. He’s articulate and above average in intellect. He can maintain eye contact to a degree but its hard work for him, he has a wonderful sense of humour and can and does have us in stitches on a regular basis.

You know what’s coming now; the down side…well, I’m not going to indulge in sharing this, it’s not something I like to write about, I try to stay positive and besides, I’ve already shared elements of it in past posts back in 2015 when this truly picked up pace at an alarming rate. I think about how far we’ve come but the downside still remains…it’s the downside that’s got the potential to place us back on a path of mental and physical destruction over the next couple of months.

Lewis’ EHCP (Statement to us oldies) has been accepted, we have a meeting at the end of May…hold on a cotton-picking moment! So Lewis is going back to school after Easter but his meeting to discuss his EHCP isn’t until the end of May – I know! Right! A professional told me on the phone yesterday I sounded battle weary…she’s right, I am.

We’re starting back on a part time timetable after Easter; Monday, Wednesday and Friday 8:30-11:00 (hence goodbye Costa on a Tuesday). Lewis will be in the SEN room with a timetable that attempts to closely mimic’s the one he’s grown accustomed to in his special school. Sensory stimulus will be kept to a minimum so not to irritate or upset him, and time spent with other class mates will be reintroduced slowly. They’re doing their best and I’m truly grateful, is it going to be enough? Only time will tell.

End Note:

It’s now a day later, Wednesday evening, bowl of chilli almonds and a glass of rosé next to me (better than a soya latte? You decide!) The vlog was recorded yesterday and edited today…not before I get a call from Beth’s school early afternoon…

I had literally prepped for the video and pressed record when the phone rang;

‘Hello Mrs Smith. Beth’s had a hypo of 2.9 and we can’t seem to get her sugar levels to go up’.

‘I’m on my way give me 5 minutes’.

I press the stop recording button!


Other posts similar to this from our past

When the Clouds Part

The Drama in Glutarama

It Never Rains, It Pours

Spectrum Sunday