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Home » My personal experience with autism – Bethany. R. Smith

My personal experience with autism – Bethany. R. Smith

Behind the Scenes, Beth's Corner - Autism

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My experience with autism

Greetings, my name is in the title and I’m the daughter of Rebecca Smith (Glutarama) who has asked me to share my experience being diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.

So, this post will consist of what I have dealt with before and after my diagnosis.

Oh goodness, where to start?

Well I’ve always had social and communication problems, but never anything to explain or link them to, which can be troubling to say the least.

Usually, when school and family label somebody as antisocial and, for lack of a better term, ‘a social outcast’ there tends to be a feeling of disparage. The terms used to describe antisocial behaviour are so commonly used to make people (especially teens) feel dejected and almost guilty in some cases that they act more as insults than labels.

However, for me that has never been the case. I have been described as antisocial; I mostly avoid large gatherings as I lack the ability to ‘read the room’, but I never let that insult or deter me as I simply couldn’t and can’t understand what’s so wrong about it.

A common sign or symptom of autism is the lack of empathy or ability to pick up on other people’s emotions unless they are specifically expressed.

This, I believe, is what has rewarded me the descriptions of “brutally honest” as well as “daringly humorous” in regards to my constant jests at the expense of others.

This is a trait I happen to share with my brother, though unlike him I choose to filter my emotions through jokes and casual banter.

In short, all my friends have to be willing to laugh at themselves from time to time.

I have found that, due to the absence of basic human empathy, I can come across as offensive, intrusive and disrespectful, which is one of many reasons I attempt to make people laugh in situation that I feel could have them upset with me.

 

Diagnosis

Now, on the subject of diagnosis I have limited experience, having only been diagnosed recently and suddenly.

This means that in the last few weeks I have been stringing together events or past actions/ reactions, that I can now link to my having autism.

The diagnosis has indeed helped me to understand myself better; however I have refused to let it change my opinion of myself or anyone else. Simply putting a name to something doesn’t in any way change the reality of it; it’s just blatantly useless information.

If you tell a blind person that they are beautiful they may know more about themselves, but they won’t start looking at mirrors.

I have had many people, therapists, teachers and a friend, that have confronted me about this most recent addition to my many conditions and asked me very bluntly not to use it as an excuse or play the ‘problematic child’ card, and for those people I am most grateful, as this sort of interaction tells me that they know nothing has changed.

Whereas some people seem to think that diagnosed means contracted, and have been treating me like I have a life threatening disease ever since the news got out.

These people are the ones who get under my skin.

I believe that every autistic person has a particular pet hate.

My brother, for example, has always detested arrogance or in his words ‘cockiness’ whilst I can’t stand being patronised or spoken down to.

With this in mind it is no wonder I become overwhelmed in schools or around other children when I’m suddenly the ‘special kid’ and need to be spoken to in syllables or I won’t understand the language people are speaking.

In closing, my experience having autism has been a case of dealing with being the unique ‘brutally honest’ kid and then suddenly having a reason why I’m like this and continuing to be myself because if people are offended by me then I don’t want to be associated with them.

26/06/2019 · 8 Comments

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Comments

  1. Kat (The Baking Explorer) says

    12/07/2019 at 10:02 pm

    I love how you’ve dealt with this in such a mature way!

    Reply
  2. Anonymous says

    28/06/2019 at 7:55 am

    Beth I got forwarded this through WhatsApp
    I agree social communication problems come from a lack of understanding-you have a good understanding of yourself and a great attitude to your diagnosis
    This is a great way to communicate with those who don’t yet ‘get it’
    Thank you for getting your message out
    Please keep writing
    Amanda

    Reply
  3. Hazel says

    27/06/2019 at 6:07 pm

    Brilliant post Beth. You’ve clearly inherited your Mum’s gift for self-reflective and engaging writing! Bet she is so proud of you.
    You are so right. I’ve found labels CAN be really helpful in making sense of things. And to separate out things I do and feel (‘this is cos of this and not because I’m bad/selfish/stupid’). But I find it so frustrating when other people try and ‘reassure’ me that it’s ‘ok’ – when it’s not something to be ashamed of in the first place. They clearly don’t realise that it’s their own prejudice leaking through!
    I’d take for brutal honesty in my friends over fake niceness and gushy enthusiasm any day.
    I hope you keep writing. I’d love to hear more.

    Reply
  4. Kate- Gluten Free Alchemist says

    27/06/2019 at 1:47 pm

    Brilliant! This is a great post Bethany. Honest (no sh.. Sherlock!), educative and beautifully written. You have a real talent for writing and (because I have seen some of your work, I know) drawing & art.
    Thank you for sharing your experience. It is so open and helpful to understanding what can be equally baffling to those of us observing on the ‘outside’. It is a piece that I am sure will help others to appreciate the amazing talent, intelligence and beauty within what is sometimes viewed as ‘hard to understand’ difference. You are amazing! Never EVER change x

    Reply
  5. Anonymous says

    27/06/2019 at 1:12 pm

    Your post is so well written & you explain yourself fantastically. It gave me a better understanding. Thank you for being honest & sharing

    Reply
  6. Emma amoscato says

    27/06/2019 at 12:51 pm

    What a great attitude and I’m glad the diagnosis has helped you understand yourself better but not made you feel you need to change. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Reply
  7. Vicki Montague says

    27/06/2019 at 9:49 am

    Hey Bethany! What an amazing post. I don’t know you that well but any time I’ve met you (and heard about you from mum) I’ve been so impressed by how strong and resilient you are. And your determination not to let this ‘label’ have any impact on you is testament to this. You are not autistic. You are not coeliac. You are not diabetic. You are none of those things. They are all labels. You are what comes before all those things. What comes before your thought of all those things. The peace and love that lies beneath all of it, and you are a super star in my eyes. Keep shining xxx

    Reply
  8. Mel says

    27/06/2019 at 9:23 am

    Beth, first of all, I am in awe of your writing. You’ve certainly got a way with words. You had me gripped and actually wanting to read more. I know writing is not your first love, but it will certainly come in handy when you start illustrating books. You’ll just have to write them too.

    The comparison with the blind person I think is what those who’ve been treating you differently since diagnosis might need to read.

    If I were your mum, I’d print this post for all your teachers / therapists and friends to read. It’s powerful, insightful and it’s so ‘you’ I read it with your voice in my head. Xxx

    Reply

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